 GRIEF: “THE PAIN OF
LOSS”
We
“GRIEVE” any loss. The most
obvious example is when someone close to us dies.
We also painfully grieve separations from people, death of a pet, or
losing anything precious to us. Losing
some aspect of your health can also trigger grief.
There
are many common reactions when we experience Bereavement or Grief.
Each of these can last for days or months, fluctuating in strength.
ANGER
- about
the senselessness of it all.
-
with the person who has died.
-
towards others for what they did or did not do.
SADNESS
-
a deep type of depression.
-
painful loss and wishing things were different.
ANXIETY
-
it is common to have a general feeling of dread, like something else
bad is going to happen.
-
others
have strong anxieties that they won’t cope, feeling vulnerable.
GUILT
-
it is easy to feel bad about things we said or did to the person who
has gone. It is important to accept
that we all have regrets.
- many people think over and over about how they would have done things
differently if they could.
CONFUSION
-
our thinking and concentration is often more clouded so it’s hard
to have conversations and make decisions.
SHOCK
& UNREALITY
-
a feeling of “this hasn’t really happened” can come and
go for a long time.
DETACHED
& NUMB
- feeling cut off from others, even feeling “dead” or “numb” emotionally, not having the usual range of feelings.
OVERWHELMED
-
because we feel confused and numb and so many other intense emotions,
we can feel powerless and overwhelmed.
- many people feel
don't feel up to engaging in everyday activities.
DESPAIRING &
HOPELESS
-
life can feel empty and meaningless
- it can make us question our
own future. These feelings, like
others, should pass.
YEARNINGS
& preoccupation
-
it is very common to yearn for the person (or thing) we have
lost – intensely desiring to have them back in our grasp.
- most
people find themselves thinking about the person for long periods.
PHYSICAL
REACTIONS
-
it is common to feel sick in the stomach and have a change in appetite (usually going off food).
- it is usually harder to feel relaxed or refreshed and hard to sleep
at night.
- most
people also feel low in energy and motivation and can’t find
their usual enthusiasm.
WHAT TO DO TO COPE
WITH GRIEF
There
is no standard advice that applies to everyone.
That is because different people experience grief in their own way,
for as long as it takes. One way
to think about grief is like a river that has to flow its own
course. Your job is to let it
flow naturally. Don’t try to block
the feelings too much – that dams it up, causing problems later.
Try to find a way to accept what has happened – otherwise we go
round in circles like a whirlpool.
Some suggestions that follow might include:
-
Label
your feelings (eg. anger, resentment, sadness, yearning) and allow yourself
to have them.
-
Find a
way to ventilate or express these feelings (write them in a journal, tell
someone).
-
Set a
healthy lifestyle routine as soon as possible, paying attention to diet,
exercise and social interaction.
-
If you
want some counselling, a short number of appointments can help you manage
your own flow of feelings better. Start
by
telling your doctor what has happened and how you feel.
They might recommend a course of action.
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